


First

by bccalling



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 10:23:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9319472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bccalling/pseuds/bccalling
Summary: Ian and Mickey talk about how they feel for one another, and Mickey makes a confession Ian wasn’t expecting.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I imagine this as canon divergent in a universe in which Mickey never ended up in jail and the two of them managed to work things out, but it's not really specific, and could probably make sense anywhere in late s4/s5, I guess.

“You know you were my first, right?” Mickey questions quietly, his fingers tracing patterns on Ian’s skin.

They’re lying in bed, curled around one another, Ian’s head pillowed on Mickey’s chest as they breath through the aftermath of their lovemaking. It feels good, Mickey thinks, to be so close to Ian, to be able to hold and touch to his heart’s content. It feels right. Always feels right with Ian.

“What do you mean, I was your first?” Ian’s voice is incredulous as his eyes raise up to meet Mickey’s. “Don’t bullshit me, Mick.”

“ _No_ ,“ Mickey insists rolling his eyes a bit and sighing at Ian’s cluelessness. “I mean—okay, I fucked chicks, yeah, but not because I wanted it. Just what I was supposed to do, you know? Never thought I’d ever find a dude I could _trust_ , you know?”

Mickey averts his eyes with the admission, and Ian watches him carefully, knows suddenly that Mickey’s being entirely honest in that moment, and that’s a lot. Ian doesn’t want to stop Mickey from entrusting him with this. “Really, Mick?” Ian breathes out, quiet to avoid scaring Mickey back into his shell, but full of awe at this new information. Ian feels a little shrug as Mickey averts his eyes.

“Was too afraid to ever try with anyone else. But you—Christ, Ian, you got under my skin, man. Waltzing into the fucking Milkovich house. Walking into my goddamn room while I was fucking sleeping. It was ballsy, man. Made me want to know you. Right then and there. Even if I wouldn’t admit it.” Mickey pauses, breaths out a fond chuckle. “I was so fucking gone for you. The minute you looked up at me with those fucking eyes, Gallagher. It was all fucking you, man.”

Ian smiles a little at that. “It was the same for me, you know?” Ian questions, his eyes light with adoration. Ian knows Mickey gives more than Ian himself sometimes—most of the time—because Ian’s always been oddly guarded about the way he loves, and he’s never been good at expressing himself. Ian’s asked a lot of Mickey over the years, and he hasn’t always given back in turn, but he hopes Mickey knows he feels it, even if sometimes he can’t say it. Oddly enough, Mickey has always been better with words, and Ian adores that about him.

“Really?” Mickey asks, a little bit wary, and Ian nods gently, pressing his fingers into Mickey’s hip in a reassuring gesture that brings a smile to Mickey’s lips.

“I ever tell you how it felt that first time?” Mickey asks after a moment; his voice far away with the memory.

Ian smiles against Mickey’s chest and presses a kiss to the delicate skin there, shaking his head in answer but avoiding actual words for fear that Mickey might shy away from the reminiscences. Ian wants to hear this. Wants to know every thought in Mickey’s head if Mickey will let him.

A tight lipped smile stretches across Mickey’s face as he looks down at Ian, fingers dancing over the bare skin of his lover’s arm. “It felt so fucking good, Ian. Like a goddamn revelation. I’d done some stuff before. Toys, fingers, you know? But having you inside me? Christ, it was like I was suddenly alive for the first fucking time. All because you couldn’t just go hard and walk away; kept murmuring sweet nothings or some shit. Telling me how good I felt around you, how perfect I was, how much you wanted me. It was fucking weird, man, considering the way it all went down. But you made me feel like I was worth something. I’d never felt that before, you know?”

“You are worth something, Mickey,” Ian interjects. He hates that Mickey’s always felt like he’s not enough. “You’re worth _everything_ , Mick.”

“Hush, asshole,” Mickey’s tone is fond as he jostles Ian playfully with his shoulder, “I’m sharing, not looking for fucking praise.”

“Still are,” Ian insists with another little smile. He knows it makes Mickey uncomfortable to hear it, but Ian needs him to know, so he tries to say it as much as he can get away with.

Mickey rolls his eyes at that and kisses Ian’s hair gently. “I’ve never wanted anyone more,” Mickey confesses softly. “After everything there were a few—hookups, I guess? When we were apart. But no one ever came close to you.”

Mickey sounds so vulnerable in those moments, and it makes Ian want to cry. He wishes sometimes that they’d never had those hiccups. But then, they wouldn’t be Ian and Mickey without them, and they’re here, together, now, so maybe it was all worth it in the end. Or maybe it just doesn’t matter because they’re here.

“What was it like for you?” Mickey asks softly after a moment. “Our first time, I mean?”

Ian knows Mickey’s feeling open and raw at the sharing he’s just done, and he’s reaching out to Ian for reassurance. That’s definitely something Ian thinks he might be able to provide. “It was different. Incredible. I’d never been with anyone like you before,” Ian confesses.

Mickey’s eyebrows shoot up at that, and his face contorts in wary confusion. “The fuck you mean by that, man?”

“I mean, I’d never been with anyone my own age. Kash was pretty much my only option around here, you know?” Ian explains with a little shrug against Mickey’s chest. “But you—it was different with you. You were all hard on the outside and soft on the inside, you know?”

Mickey scoffs at that. “You fucking hear yourself, Gallagher?”

“Shut the fuck up and let me finish, Mick!” Ian insists, trying for annoyance, but failing miserably when he can’t quite keep the broad smile from stretching across his lips. He settles for poking his fingers into Mickey’s side where he knows he’ll inflict the most damage because Mickey is really fucking ticklish and Ian loves to take advantage of that whenever he can. Ian’s fingers draw a loud laugh from Mickey along with a playful glare.

“I’m _serious_ ,” Ian insists before leaning down to press a kiss to the corner of Mickey’s mouth. “You were this neighborhood thug everyone was fucking scared of, you know? But that wasn’t you. Not entirely, anyway. It’s where we grew up, what we grew into. You were playing this role, Mick, and you did it well, but the minute you let me in—when you decided to turn that fight into sex—you were a whole ‘nother person, man.”

“Not fucking true,” Mickey scoffs, rolling his eyes.

Ian smiles mischievously and shakes his head a little at Mickey. “You let me take you face-to-face, Mick. You wouldn’t kiss me, and you barely spoke, but looking into your eyes that first time, man—it was fucking incredible.”

“Didn’t do it that way again for a while, huh?” Mickey remembers, his eyes distant as his mind takes him back through their early escapades.

Ian gives a little laugh at that, and swats at Mickey’s chest playfully. “'Cause you were a fucking pussy, and you caught feelings pretty fucking quick. Looking at me got to be too much for you.”

Mickey rolls his eyes. He cannot fucking believe this kid. “Fuck you, Gallagher.” His voice is playful, and he doesn’t deny it because, really, Ian’s right. That first time was a lot for him. Especially with the way Ian kept his eye, murmured his appreciation for Mickey. Made Mickey feel whole for the first fucking time in his goddamn life.

They settle into a thoughtful silence for a moment, fingers painting patterns on bare skin and fond smiles glowing between them. They both know this is right. Know there was never another possibility for the two of them. They’ve never been whole without one another and they never will be. Ever since those first moments. The first time Mickey let Ian in—in every fucking way possible—they’d both been fucking lost. Because this was it. The two of them, happy, together.

Mickey feels Ian press another kiss to his chest before his lover lifts his eyes up to meet Mickey’s.

“I fell in the love with you that first time,” Ian confesses. “It was the look in your eyes when you decided we’d make better lovers than enemies. The moment you started stripping out of your goddamn clothes. When you fucking pulled me down on top of you and started whispering about how much you needed me inside. You let yourself be vulnerable for me, Mickey. You’d never done that for anyone else—at least not that I’d ever seen—and you gave so willingly, Mick. I was yours from that moment on.” Ian’s fingers have shifted to cradle Mickey’s cheek, stroking gently at that soft skin he knows so well, as his eyes move from Mickey’s lips up to his open gaze where Ian swears he sees a glassy sheen he hopes is born of happiness. “You’re the best I’ve ever had, Mickey. Always will be. It’s always been you, man. Always. You’re my everything. I fucking _love_ you, Mickey Milkovich.”

For a moment, Mickey just stares, eyes full of joy and awe, and Ian’s so grateful in that moment that Mickey’s eyes make him a fucking open book. He’s beautiful.

Mickey swallows hard as a smile splits across his lips. Ian makes a vow to himself then to say it more often because he’s never seen Mickey look so happy. Ian smiles back for a moment before leaning down to catch Mickey’s lips with his own in a slow, tender kiss. The kind they don’t indulge in nearly often enough. And when Ian pulls back, Mickey keeps him close with gentle fingers in Ian’s hair and they lay there breathing the same air for long sweet moments, Mickey’s eyes locked on Ian’s.

Finally, Mickey stretches up to press another soft kiss to Ian’s lips before whispering, “I love you, too, Ian Gallagher. For the rest of my fucking life, Ian, I promise you. I _love_ you.”

Ian pulls Mickey close at that, wrapping the other man up in the safety of his arms. They’re so fucking in love, and if Ian can count on anything in this life, he knows it’s the love he and Mickey hold for one another. And he thinks, maybe, that they might just make it this time.


End file.
